BURNING secrets<<. .>>roaringSTAR

[sunniful no one]

don't burn me, it'll hide my secrets.

and you know you want to know<<[/font][/center][/size]

No, no, no! Screamed my mind in a paniced rage. I could've have screamed aloud, but some would have then taken me for a mad woman. There was no way in Starclan that I could have fallen in love with such a man. And for silverpelt's sake, how on earth had I come to use such a strong word at my tender age. I fretted about camp, no one made me do anything if I appeared busy, and moving around was enough. I couldn't help but cast a slightly edgy glance in the certain direction every few moments, my ashy covering glinted in the dimming light of dusk. It would be time to rest soon, but my mind would speed ahead, and send me bad dreams during the night, no, I would not sleep. I loved him, with all my small heart, blow out the light, and no one could tell. That was it, the sun had set on my heart, I never wanted the sun to rise, to shameful that I cast such feeling upon a tom of honor. He would never even reach as low as to glance at me in such a way that I glanced at him.

Roaringstar, Roaringstar... my heart sang. Hush... I hissed abstractedly, no one would hear me, I hoped. Hide my soul, hide my hopes and dreams and let them be smoldered like water to fire, let them die out. But I also knew that not all fires could be put out with water. Ashy, ashy... I muttered, my own way of saying 'my, my' or 'Oh STARCLAN!', it meant just about anything to me. Foxdung, mousebrained fool, I am! Yes... a fool. I stuttered, kicking up dust with each curse I muttered, it wasn't like me to speak so coarsely, especially about myself. I valued my once youthful freedom, one I still had but no longer knew how to use. Shiver, shiver. Please, Starclan! Help me!

Roaringstar, Roaringstar, hear me cry. I mumbled.

I jumped as I felt something move behind me, an odd sense, of a presence, seemingly tall. I shivered, but dared not turn around. I hoped with every thread of my life that it was to be ignored, my mutterings, that is. Hello?[/blockquote][/size]

[guestie]

RoArInG STAR

Who fell in love with a child?

"You should pick up someone as your apprentice, Roaringstar. There is a single kitten that could be used and you haven't had someone to spend time with for a while. Maybe your suffering from lonliness."

He had come to his brother at sunhigh, eyes shining with unshed feelings. He had confessed his inner mind, the boringness that had consumed his day without him even aware of it at all. No one would guess, Roaringstar constantly surrounded himself with company. Rarely did he go out of camp on his own, though that was for varying reasons. He was afraid of the dark, afraid of loneliness. He had been surrounded by others for the entirety of his long life, he could not, surely not, be taken away from them now.

"Really, bro, its not that hard to get someone to hang around with. An apprentice would just be a justification, and besides, you need some younger company."

He grudgingly had admitted that he hung out with the older crowd, though he was older himself (despite his actions)! Wasn't it logical that he hung out with those he had grown up with, and the ones from a bit farther back? Surely it was logic. But... perhaps, to match his stubborn and stupid personality, he did need someone else. For all of his older friends just laughed at him now-a-days, never accepted his full-of-life challenges. He tried to convince them, eyes bright with excitement, but it was still rare that they accepted his proposals.

"And we thought that you didn't like confrontation. You were always the one that would turn their back on some sort of challenge until you were bullied into it."

Okay... so maybe that had been true. When he was younger, less vivacious, he was rare to encounter a fight and accept it. However, these were not fights that he was asking for. He was asking for games, just playful little races or hunting. He wasn't trying to get them to unleash their well-sharpened claws on his hind and rip him to shreds. All knew that besides Roaringstar's huge shape, he had not really cared much for war. When there was a battle he had never cared much for shredding fur. Yet, he was no peace keeper either. He had a strange place in the world.

"If you're not going to take on an apprentice, why don't you simply take some time to get to know one? You never really move around with that crowd now-a-days. But you like them, don't you? Right?"

Now it sounded like they were trying to convince him to leave them alone. He would comply, with a bit more whining. There had to be some bored apprentice out there that would want to play with him. He was fun, probably the happiest old man that you'd find out there! Excluding those with grandchildren, they always seemed to be smiling if they had grandchildren.

"Get out of here, now, and go find someone else to whine too. We're tired and old."

He cast them both a goodbye, and a lingering frown, as he departed from the warrior's den. He jokingly supposed that if they were so tired all of the time he might as well toss them in with the elders, but he had some nagging feelings that they'd enjoy that. They were so lazy now-a-days, not that they hadn't been when they got into being apprentices. He truly wondered how such simpleton's could've made it into warriorhood and in turn, they thought how could such an idiotic child make it to being a leader? Mysteries of the Clan that would never be solved, Roaringstar tossed them into the bramble netting that secured the camp as he walked past.

The apprentices den was empty, the coming dusk had not taken them back to their resting point. He noticed that most had departed for the day, perhaps out on hunting patrols with their members, training, or even just wandering outside of camp on their own accord. One could notice that Roaringstar wasn't much of a strict dictator any day, and often the apprentices got into their share of trouble because of his lax behavior. But... Roaringstar could'nt remember the time when he had run out camp as an apprentice, as though it had never happened. And it just might'nt've.

But then, in a flashing glance, he spotted one. She had been moving in and around camp earlier, so he had not had noticed her small frame bouncing about. She had skipped out of his line of vision time and time again, but now he had found her. Not that he had been looking exactly for her, but he had found in general what he had been looking for. An apprentice. Younger company. Lively company. Yes, he was following that advice of his stubborn brother and sister. He would engage in a conversation with this girl, not because he didn't have anything to do, but because he felt that if he did, there would return some amusement to his life.

Just as he had approached and was about to give his greeting, her voice mumbled a sudden hello. Surprised, his eyes opened wide at her words. Had she'd been able to sense that he was coming? What was this? He wanted to see her face, yes he liked to see people when he spoke to them, but he didn't want to trample on her personal space. For once, not acting like a toddler, Roaringstar stood still behind her.

"Good evening, Ashpaw." It seemed fitting, how he spoke, though perhaps a bit too eager. He was holding something in. His curiosity. He fretted for just a moment, paws bouncing on the ground. He didn't know how to retain this. "How'd you know I was there?" He suddenly expanded onto his words before, his tone breathless as though he'd been attempting to hold this breath.

[sunniful no one]

don't burn me, it'll hide my secrets.

and you know you want to know<<

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I stiffened, I don't know. I just did. I mumbled. Finally I turned around to face him, Roaringstar that is. I settled down enough to relax my tensed shoulders. Is that weird? feeling caught, snagged, like a bird, rested in my paws. So pinned down. I almost swooned under his gaze that I had so often thought about.

Silly, silly child I was. Of course he had only come over here out of pure boredom, or boredom to the point of death. I shivered as an unpleasant wind sent my fur dancing. I felt my paws tingle from being still to long. I just felt that someone was behind me, you know? I meowed hopefully staring on woefully. I tilted my head back and thrust my chin out, something from my mother, and dropped my eyes, showing pride and humbleness all at the same time. Just as I was taught. I felt so small in comparison to the man who looked down upon my physically small bod. But also I felt as if inside I was shrinking back, slinking away. What was this? Not the feeling of trembling fear, but the need to retreat? How odd!

Clearing my head I paid careful attention to the way he positioned himself, 'the stance of a kit? I could have scoffed, but being it my leader, and the man I loved, I felt the immediate restraint tugging on my. I flashed a small, sheepish smile as if he had read my thoughts. Which I really hoped he hadn't. Did Starclan give you the power to read others thoughts when they became leaders? What a silly idea my mind had made up! Slowly I sat, keeping the my head and eyes the same way before, I laid my tail over the silver-starched paws. Finally I remembered to react and brashly murmured, Oh... Well never mind, I suppose it's sort of odd.

Smiling faintly I traced his outline against the gloom. I pressed my lips together, My evening is... okay. And yours? I continued to pursue politeness, it was the only thing I could to instead of tripping down the awkward path, it was what I had been taught. I held his gaze for the slightest of moments, and then, before revealing to much, dropped my own. This wasn't proper for a lady! I cast my eyes far downwards to show respect, though I really wouldn't mind racing him through the forest. And it looked as if he wouldn't mind either. I still continued to sit, un-stirring from my position. I raised my eyes meekly again... Staring up with a familiar defiance that told no one to stand in my way. Soot littered my pelt, making me feel even more secure... I twitched my ears.
All the ash...[/blockquote]

[guestie]

just wait for the stone at your window
» x RoArInG STAR

Roaringstar watched as the girl turned around towards him, abandoning the frettful position she had been taking before to look upon him and his inquiry. It had been childish, though he hadn't been thinking of something like that. All felines were usually so intuned with their surroundings that they could tell when another was approaching from yards away. This had obviously skipped from Roaringstar's mind as he stood behind the girl with those luminescent eyes, spheres widened to the point that he kind of looked ridiculous. He was not leaned forward as he usually did, merely standing straight with the questioning expression on his face. He was taller than her, a strange thing among any (even apprentices), so he had to angle his head slightly toward to give her that brilliant grin. He was just such a strange type.

At her comments that it was strange, he tugged his lips a bit higher on his face. His grin became slightly amused. She now seemed self conscious, despite the way that she had motioned to him that she was nothing of the sort. She seemed the proud type, but that was something that Roaringstar overlooked. He would go into detail on her small, insignificant actions later, when he had time to think of anything other than her quite ordinary ability or the way that she mumbled her words so incoherently. He did not have to strain to hear them, this was the way in which many of the apprentices spoke to him. As if they were nervous, afraid of making mistakes. His tuned years had gotten used to mutters now and could take out the main points from them, despite missing minor details.

"Strange? No, of course not. Its great! I'm just wondering how you could so something like that so easily!" he tilted his head to the side, that vibrant expression nearly melting everything else about him away. "It usually takes me minutes to get focused enough to realize what is happening around me. I really have to try." He had forgotten the fact that he had only approached her to seek a break from his boredom. He was now enthralled in her personality, her mind, her soot-covered paws. He noticed these next, flicking down his honey-hued gaze as her's evaded him.

His first reaction was surprise, and that was the emotion that flitted through him as he drew his gaze back to her face. Who liked being covered in so much ash? Truly, the substance usually only came from the fires that would ravage the tree tops of their summertime leaves, especially on the driest days of the seasons, but, how could she be so coated in it? Had there been a pile of it somewhere that she tripped in? Then he recalled her title, the words that made up her name. Ash. Ash! Oh, that explained it. She must've fell in a pile and enjoyed it so much as a child that they either re-named her or just named her that in general. It was rare that Roaringstar remembered the past events, unfocused memories the best that he could come up with. But this, this was something that he dearly wanted to recall. It was just so strange, so wonderfully strange.

His gaze caught her's again, and that smile didn't lose for a moment. He was pleasantley surprised, if not more interested in who she was. He had never fit around much with the apprentices, often feeling like they were simply around him because they wanted a good word with the leader. Hopefully this was not what the girl was looking for. He'd hate to ruin a friendship with unhealthy ambition. But by the way that she had avoided his gaze he had a feeling that her emotional view on him was as a stepping ladder. He didn't try to observe her any deeper then on a friendship level, for that was the one which he wanted to maintain with her, but he had caught something in her eye and that small, meek smile that had curled her lips earlier. Admiration? Perhaps that was what warded off ill feelings.

"Ashpaw!" he suddenly exclaimed, out of no where his voice rose and fell over the camp. No heads turned, he had his outbursts before. "I understand why you were named this now! Ash because of the way that your fur is covered in them. I truly do find it more feminine than soot." He paused for a moment, lifting an eyebrow in thought as he gazed off to the corner of his eye. If only he recognized her parents, he'd have to congratulate them for their job well done. "Its so interesting, though. How do you keep that in your fur? I'm sure that the last forest fire had to be before you were born." His voice turned for a moment, a question to his own memory. He did not recall, but he could search later. He had a case on his hands. "My evening is grand, now that I have found you! Lets do something."

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[sunniful no one]

i've heard rumors of true reality.

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>>. when the mountains fall on their knees[/right]

I pressed my lips together to keep myself from giggling. Yes... I allowed finally. A charming smile slid over my face, which was more white than any other part of my body. My tail flopped around in a kit-like manor. Thats what they call me. I was born with another name, however... I could tell he was wondering. I tilted my head and lifted a paw in a more playful and relaxed position. Heh... I chuckled softly, eyes smiling. I guess it's just one of my strong points.

I tilted my head over until it was practically upside down. I grinned like a silly child. It just so happened that this is what I did when I was nervous. My face was hot with a deep scarlet blush. Another good reason to be cloaked in ash. Yes... More feminine, indeed. I used to be named... Oh, uh... I stuttered, trying desperately to remember. Well they wanted me to be Springleaf when I was older, so I guess I was Springkit. I finally bubbled. My eyes were wide and blinking.

And then I realized he had asked the question I dreaded most, because surely I would be in large amounts of trouble if anyone knew. It just sticks... I said with a shrug, I didn't know how it stayed in place. But I was like my shield, if I didn't want it I returned to my ashes. My heart could never be broken this was I had decided. I smirked slowly, Wouldn't you like to know? I finally answered, deciding to leave it at that. I was doing a lot of deciding.

My head tilted back to a normal fixture. I rocked nervously on my paws, staring him directly in the eyes. I wondered if her found it strange. Something to do... I was beginning to become anxious and antsy. Something to do... I repeated out loud. Looking at him hard, if eyes could laugh my eyes would be crowing the most raucous noise ever. What do you want to do? Just watching him made my heart thunder, I felt faint, was if the world was falling out from under me. I could've fallen to my knees, I would have liked to stay to the shadows. There was a distraction at the corner of my eye, I resisted the urge to look. I was sure I was going insane.

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[guestie]

just wait for the stone at your window
» x RoArInG STAR

Roaringstar listened to the words of the younger one with that grin still plastered on his expression. Yet, unlike some leader's when listening to chattering apprentices, DawnClan's honcho took in every word that spilled from the prattling girl's lips. He didn't find anything extraordinary boring, either, which was a surprise to anyone who had spoken to the boy before. He was usually displayed little attention to those who spoke to him, blankly staring off into the sky when they let their problems drip from them. Their words, at times like those, were edging on the border of sympathy-seeking, and he wasn't one to issue out empathy with each move that he made. He was selfish in most aspects, the kiddish behavior reigned over things such as personal matters. He could not, for the life of him or the Clan, stand near someone who was begging for his pity and actually listen to them. So this, these stalling words that skipped and fragmented, he enjoyed them while they lasted.

"What do I want to do?" Roaringstar looked at her as though her words were a ridiculous concept. No one ever asked him what he desired, it was always them first. The leader's needs were behind everyone below him. The Clan had to be fed, the Clan had to be healthy, the Clan this, and the Clan that. His wishes for childhood were still far away, even at the time that he acted like the little boy he should have been moons ago. "Anything, everything. I'd love to skim the sky, but my paws are grounded to the soil." His voice rose, there seem to be a glitter of excitement in his gaze. "Lets climb the highest tree of the forest, or explore the deepest tunnels. Ride the breeze and wander the wilderness beyond. We can and should just be free."

He sounded more like an adult when he spoke like that, how he indirectly spouted his desires to be free from the binds that tore his skin when he jumped out of his place. This place. But, if one observed the movements of Roaringstar, he didn't seem like he as that affected by the role that he had to play for the Clan. He behaved as though he enjoyed being constantly surrounded by others, and it was true to fact. But even he, who suffered deeply from some abandonment issues, did like to think that there would be a time when he had no more responsibilities. But, the troubles piled up like stacks of paper on an attorney's desk, it seemed that there would be no end to the circle that he had gotten himself into. But, this was no mere ring, this was a whole generational problem. The one who came after him, be it his current deputy or the next that would come to be under him when she passed, would have to experience the same thing. Being a leader was what brought this, but it was not like they would stop being leader because of it.

The bulky tom was leaning forward again, a trait that often made him look more childish than he was on most occasions. He wasn't staring at her with that desperation that he sometimes could not conceal, rather with this child-like light that seemed to be full of curiosity. He wanted to engage with this girl in conversation further, but they could only pursue their adventures if she responded, if she said yes or contributed.

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[sunniful no one]

i've heard rumors of true reality.

[/size]
_>>. when the mountains fall on their knees[/center][/size]

My blushed deepened, free?! I asked beseechingly. My eyes imploring to wander, I kept them still is respect. I lifted my chin and lowered my eyes to show the correct humidity. Slowly, my straight-lined mouth tweaked upwards, it was really, truly possible. Free, yes... Well, I suppose.

Shrugging selfishly and added, I haven't been out much. I don't have a mentor. My eyes were sad when I mentioned this lack thereof, not for pity, but because I really didn't enjoy being an apprentice much, therefore I wanted to get it over with. But I'm not getting any younger right? I steered back on track. I am a pretty good climber. Tree-climbing would be... Acceptable. As I said that I could have hit myself. Those weren't the correct words to use, I could tell Roaringstar wished to not be so hindered by his own duties, and being upright and acceptable tended to list on that side of the wind.

Sighing inwardly, I forced a pretty smile to make up for my rash words. What does my leader say? normally I would have mocked a playful bow, but not now, I was to nervous and a bit shy now.

[guestie]

just wait for the stone at your window
» x RoArInG STAR

"Free, yes free. Free as a young bird new to flight, or a fish swimming its way across the BrookClan streams. Free as the wind, free as the loners, free, free, free," he spoke almost too quickly, the ideals moving through his lips at such a pace. He wanted to share with her so many things, so many thoughts, so many picture-esque plans that he could never accomplish. He had duties. But she, this young and simple apprentice, did not have to force herself through such things. She didn't have to make sure that the Clan was okay, she didn't have to even think about anything like that. She breathed the air that he wished to soar through.

He stared at her, as though in anticipation of such a confession. She had to know how undeniably simple her life was.

Then, almost as if to upset him, the man was rebutted from his wonderful fantasy of wandering the stretch of lands uninhabited by the Clans by the mention of her lack of mentor. The thick vines which trapped him against the heart of the Clan tree tweaked, pulled tighter. He didn't wince, he probably didn't even take to initial notice the sudden twinge in his chest. The constrictions of his movements as his leadership sat on his shoulders. The burden of being the reigning monarch of a single community was annoyingly painful.

"No mentor?" Roaringstar seemed surprised, hadn't all apprentices he had named gotten mentors? At the time of Ashpaw's ceremony had there been a shortage. "You'll be getting one immediately." He said this with a half-nod and a grin. He seemed boyishly determined that this would be brought to truth.

The bounds loosened again when she steered away from her lack of mentor and recalled the events of which he had spoken of before. Trees? Acceptable? He had almost flown from his skin at this, raised his front paws to the sky and just took off. If he had the wings and the light bones to soar, he would. For, this young girl had just made his day. They would be free for the rest of the period of the day. No one would find them, no one would disturb them. He would climb that tree with this mentorless apprentice and together they would set off. A new-born bird during flight, he wished that those wings could be his own.

"Now. Lets go. Now," repeating his fragment, the massive tom turned around with an abruptness. "I can't let this opportunity be let to waste. I'm not letting you decide." He sounded selfish, pushy. He sounded like a kid. "C'mon, Ashpaw. We have to leave before they find me." He almost whispered, grinning like they were committing some kind of crime. "I'm going now. Follow my trail."

With his words departed over his shoulder the tom escaped from her presence, for now. He did not want to keep away from her forever, the reason he as avoiding his duty was the spend some time with the girl himself. Rarely did he even reveal his idealistic situations, flying, or swimming, or doing something like leaving the Clan. He would share them with Ashpaw, he felt it for some reason. She was just... different, in a good way. Perhaps it was because she was so much younger than he was, or maybe he as just trying to reveal things that his childish side could not spew out on whim. These were adulthood issues, not those of the kit that he acted like.

The scenery that he had looked upon since he was a kitten was in fast forward as he propelled his body through the trees. He could not detail the exact way that he was going, but he had to figure out some kind of plan for himself. The tallest tree, the tallest tree. For some reason, he felt like he didn't even know. He had been wandering around these woods so long and he couldn't even tell? Troubled, the tom slowed gradually, finding himself settling to the ground with a disturbed look on his face. He looked right and left, attempting to see the girl that he told to follow him.

"Ashpaw, I have a question for you. What tree is the tallest?" he said it loud enough so that if she was a good couple yards away she would be able to detect it.

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[sunniful no one]

i've heard rumors of true reality.

[/size]
_>>. when the mountains fall on their knees[/center][/size]

I was about to stammer a quick reply in agreement when he shot off. As my leader wishes. I mumbled, and quickly set off in pursuit. Unlike him, the justification of my getaway wasn't quite as graceful. Or rather... At all. Mumbling about my faulty feet I sped after the man who had so entranced me. He was seemingly... Strange. And to an admitting rate, I liked it.

I had almost caught up to him when he stopped. Was he pitying me? Waiting for me? No regretting his choice to demand me along? No... He said something, but it took a couple more seconds to sort through the hubbub. Err... I shifted awkwardly when his words came filttering through.

I don't have any clue where the tallest tree is... oh dear... I wondered if he would just admit defeat in his dreams to get away from me. Was I so distasteful or displeasuresome? But I do know a way we could figure it out. I finally stated.

If not the sharpest knife in the drawer I certainly had my ways of getting there. Admittingly, but not too pompously, I knew the ways of getting what I wanted and knew the steps to getting there. And in this particular case, the climb to getting there.

You see... If we climb to the top limb in any tree we can see more clearly, then, even if were still looking up from there, we should be able to see which tree is the tallest. Then we go in that direction. Even if it may take a couple trial runs. I explained. Was it really, really worth all this trouble to find the tallest tree in the forest? Might as well be worth while. The best view. And we should mark it some how when we get there, otherwise the process is just treacherous to go through again and again. I feltbrighter, happier now, now that I knew what I was talking about. Whatever for my king...

[guestie]

just wait for the stone at your window
» _x RoArInG STAR

Her voice escaped from the wood before she came out, not startling the older tom to the point where his fur stood on end, but certainly enough to send a small shiver down his spine. Anyone disembodied voice would do that too anyone, except for the toughest of the tough. Roaringstar would have liked to get to that level one day, the one in which nothing frightened him anymore and the darkness no longer seemed suffocating, but after more than forty moons of living like this, there was some certainty that he would never grow out of this phase he was in. It'd have to be some kind of tragic life accident that forced him out of this stage, though one caught glimpses of him during times of crisis of the Clan, when his childhood seriousness caught back to him and he realized that he had to do something important. It didn't always hit him, but dire situations brought it all out for him. Sometimes it was just like he could see clearer.

"Brilliant," he was wide-eyed and excited about this task set before them. "Where did that brain come from? I congratulate your parents for bringing you into the world." The older gentlemen smiled and then turned towards the tree that they were currently resting at. This was certainly not the tallest tree, a couple around her being a slight bit bigger. Perhaps it would be best to take a chance and climb one of those instead. Yet, he thought also that this one would be just fine. They'd just have to be wary of the branches that they climbed up at the top. Those ones seemed to be a bit brittle, perhaps just reviving from the frigid temperatures of leaf-bare. But, what was the point of looking, he'd have to try to find out.

He touched the tree with one paw, gazing up the great length of its trunk. He had not taken to climbing in a while, the experience from his latest time not even a memory that he could currently recall. That was not strange, being he was overly forgetful, but a little unnerving. He usually had to remember some experience in something to be able to do it again. However, with this danger in front of him he was freezing up. When had he touched the bark of a tree last, dug his claws in and began that kind of ascent? It almost made him queasy, though it was a natural thing for felines to do. Climbing was just like walking around the forest. It was supposed to be something that he was born amazing at.

"I'll climb up first, you can start when I'm at the first branch. We don't want to be hitting each other." He laughed and slid his claws out, the dark weapons shining back in his eyes again for a single moment. That nauseated feeling was returning. He didn't turn to look at Ashpaw again, afraid of losing the minimum amount of honor that he had in her eyes. He had to get up this tree if it cost him all of his lunch and breakfast.

He tried his best to soar up the tree, to climb it with such a fast rate that he couldn't think about the churning that was currently taking place in his stomach. But that seemed to be incapable of happening. Time actually seemed to pull back as he began to hasten up the tree, his claws dug deeply into the thick bark as he created grips to keep him up. His strength did not fail him as the nearest branch came into view, rather a great storm of relief settled over his bones as he reached up those last couple of steps and hopped onto the branch that hung far above the ground. He didn't look down to see Ashpaw's progress, he just hoped that she was making it.

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