Is the word Blessed or Cursed?

[shade]

My soft white paws brushed the ground below
me but never quite touched. I didn't know when I was
dreaming or even if I ever did dream. I didn't know when
Starpelt shone over my clan land or even when the sun rose.
I am blind. Not half blind a little blind, Blind. It has been so
since I was a kit. I have long since gotten over it but my
clanmates seem to think looking into my sapphire orbs
is unsettling, or even uncomfortable. It's not like I can see
them staring. When the rock clattered to the unknown ground
below me I turned around my heart racing with the jolt
of shock. Hello? I murmured, looking blankly
at where the sound came from.

[sunniful no one]

I yelped in muted surprise. Yes, yelping was muted. Oops! Sorry! I stumbled over apologies, my eyes wide and full of pleading. It didn't matter, he couldn't see them anyway. Oh! I hated thinking like this of my brother, I knew perfectly well that he could sense it with the way he felt my body patterns. I felt sometimes like he could see better than I could.

The girl smiled on in her own forthcoming way. It was kind of timid, but still warm and she looked him in the eyes though it didn't matter much. His empty eyes didn't make her uncomfortable, she was used to it, beyond anyone else, even beyond her parents. Their parents. I really am sorry... Snowpaw murmured, absently sliding a paw back and forth in the dust. You... she searched desprately for the right words. startled me. Because she was so shy Snowpaw's speech had slowly been coming along, words facinated her. She especially loved big words, that made her feel... Important, though she was the shrine of her mother's eye.

She stretched luxuriously, beginning to relax. So... she mumbled cooly. What are you up to? Same boring smelling the herbs stuff you seem to enjoy so much, brother? she was fond of teasing him, and only him, because the rest of the time she was too frightened to barely squeak. She would find her voice someday... If not today. Her brother was her fondest companion, and she couldn't imagine life without the boy she knew as Icepaw. A smile tugged at the edges of her features, threatening to break her delicate face. Yes, she was indeed the princess every mother coddled after. Her white pelt shifting as her small but mighty muscles shrugged along with her body. So? her chin thrust up and eyes lowered. The princess, indeed.

[shade]

I turned sharply, equally surprised by
her as she was by me. I glanced in her general
direction hoping it was the right one. Snowpaw
I purred slightly absently. Today had just been
one of those days, the ones you don't ever
want to face.

I barely acknowledged her words about herbs,
seeing as I was usued to my sisters gentle teasing.
It had been the calm way of talking between us for
many moons. Snowpaw's shyness had always made
me laugh, I'm not sure why but maybe because
she was so different then me and I was not used to
it.

I wasn't used to such perfection or even the friendlyness
and acceptance she showed towards me and sometimes
I even perfered the harshness of the world to her kindness.
I was used to it.

[sunniful no one]

I could see the look, or rather feeling that passed over him. My eyes darkened, deepened with sadness. Icepaw... I murmured, my heart ached, I didn't want to make him feel worse, but I could help but bring it up. Newleaf... the words melted off my lips pleasantly and then reality caught up with me, panting and heaving for breath, but not enough so has to not weigh my heart down again. I didn't know what I was feeling lately, but a small sense of pure melancholy just seemed to warp through me. I wish you could see the wildflowers growing, Icepaw. My favorite are the yellow ones. Yellow's always happy y'know.

Yellow... she liked that too, she always loved yellow and she always wished she could find a way to explain it to him. Mother said there will be more and then she can pick some and line our nests for us. she chattered, she chattered only to him, and only so she could keep the rest of the world away. They smell good... she continued. The words after that seemed to fail to flow like they once had. I'm sorry, Icepaw... I didn't mean to... Well y'know. she hated making her brother feel bad. She quietly wished that sometimes she was blind too, so she could be more abusive towards other things, ignore them more, refuse to awknowledge them and be happy with it.

I'm not doing anything, what about you? Wrenflight keeping you busy? she asked, her voice quieter now, her words more halting. Aunt Forsythia said she could take me out to the forest sometime, and that she's awfully sorry I don't have a mentor yet... And... Well she is very glad you chose to be a medicine cat apprentice, she says you'll be very good at it. Y'know, sometimes I wonder if she is so proud of you and less of me? she voiced her last statement as a question, not one for him to answer though. She said she would have no doubts if her life was in your paws. Oops! I didn't mean to scare you there and all... she stopped, watching him. Icepaw? Are you even listening to me?

[shade]

I shook my head sharply and looked at her with my usually empty gaze. I'm trying to, Snowpaw, I am. And then it returned, that strange feeling of doubt that always made me wonder if I should tell her about my dreams. I have just been having more of those horrible nightmares. I finally muttered, it would at least provide my loving sister with something to think about.

[sunniful no one]

oh. I murmured. Sorry... Icepaw, I didn't even think to ask how you were, I'm so sorry those silly dreams are troubling you again. I meowed. That must be one of those only downsides to be a medicine cat, hrm? I questioned, my eyes were wide and curious. I blushed, Sorry for prying.

Then the girl turned to the question that really, really rested on her mind. Guiltily she admitted that it often occupied her mind more than her brother did, not that she didn't love him. So... she tried to broach the subject gently, since she knew this wasn't Icepaw's favorite topic, far from it. have you seen Talonpaw lately? Talonpaw was her friend, no matter what Icepaw dismayed.

He was like a heartbeat, a simple impulse, Talonpaw was. I really, really liked him, but I would never admit to that. Well... I mean, no big deal... Just since he's not here anymore... And he was our friend... y'know... I purred accidentally, I shut my jaw really fast after that and just smiled sheepishly at my brother. Our friend I repeated...

[shade]

I growled sharply at the sound of that
name, His name. The one i hated more then
anything else, and I was naturally hateful cat.
Maybe I hated him because I envied him, but I
doubted it. I didn't envy anyone, or at least thats
what I told myself as I slowly became a shell. I
shook my head, almost in an effort to refuse to answer.

I do believe he and his family went to Brookclan.
Traitors, thats all they were. They betrayed us so...
easily, like it was a second nature to them. His mother
was a mouse held up in a hole and i had always seen
him the same way.